


Touching Lola

by Ysabetwordsmith



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: #coulsonlives, Artificial Intelligence, Car Accidents, Don't Touch Lola, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fatherhood, Feels, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Parent Tony Stark, Partnership, Protective Phil Coulson, Stubborn Phil Coulson, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 12:05:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Coulson calls Tony Stark, upset over a car crash involving Lola.  Fortunately Tony can fix anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. T-boned

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for this story shortly after seeing the trailer for _Agents of SHIELD_. I decided that I wanted to post it before the series actually launched. This is a stand-alone, not currently connected with any of my other Avengers writing.

Tony Stark was up to his waist in the front end of a car when his phone rang. He stood up, wiping his hands on a greasy rag, and answered the call.

"Tony?" Phil Coulson's voice was ragged and thin.

"Phil, what's wrong?" Tony said. He glanced at the nearest monitor. Anticipating his intent, JARVIS displayed the diagnostics for the Iron Man suit. It was ready to go if Tony needed to suit up.

"It's Lola."

Tony's stomach went cold and then hot, like the taste of vodka. "Can you tell me what happened?" he asked.

"Stakeout went bad, turned into a shootout with some AIM operatives," Phil said. He coughed, and then continued. "We made it out of the ambush zone and then some bastard T-boned us at an intersection."

"Can you get to us, or do you need a pickup?" Tony asked.

"We've got a lift," Phil said. "Tony ... she's not talking to me."

JARVIS had already pinged Lola's black box and identified an emergency shutdown. Someone must have been slinging energy weapons, so she had turtled up to wait for an all-clear signal.

"It's okay. Lola's fine," Tony reassured Phil. "Remember, she's got the black box in the car plus the backup server in case the whole peripheral is lost. All I have to do is repair the damage to the frame and then reboot. What's your ETA?"

"Twenty minutes."

It took a little longer, because the SHIELD agents had to pull into Tony's garage and very carefully deposit the crumpled red car where directed. One of them foolishly tried to pat her bumper on the way out.

"Don't touch Lola," Phil growled, and the other agent backed away.

Tony was torn between the car and Phil himself, both of whom looked much the worse for wear. A quick glance at wireless diagnostics told him that Lola was stable. Phil, he wasn't sure about.

"Phil, are you -- well, obviously you're not _okay,_ but do you need medical attention?" Tony asked.

"I'm fine." Phil had both arms wrapped around his chest, a livid bruise along the left side of his neck, more bruises mottling his face, and blood smudged over much of his visible skin. He sat himself against the wall where he could watch Tony work, plainly unwilling to move.

"Uh huh. You sound like me," Tony said. "JARVIS, get Bruce down here."

"Dr. Banner is already on his way, sir," JARVIS replied.

Tony was no expert at first aid, but Phil didn't seem to be actively dying. Ice packs would help minimize the bruising. Tony knew that much first aid from his own adventures in the Iron Man suit. He pulled a couple of bright blue packets out of the freezer and handed them to Phil. "Here, put these on."

Phil pressed one to his face and the other to his ribs. "Thanks."

Approaching footsteps made him tense.

"Listen, Phil, I need to hand you off to Bruce so that I can take care of Lola, okay?" Tony said. "I am not a meat mechanic."

Bruce looked worried, but his voice was calm as he asked Phil for an injury report.

"I'm fine," Phil repeated.

"You have a pressure bruise on your neck and more on your face, you're protecting your ribcage, and you're covered in blood from what I _hope_ are superficial cuts," Bruce said. "If you still look like this by the time Tony gets Lola back online and she sees you, how do you think she's going to feel?"

Phil mumbled something that Tony couldn't quite make out.

"Thought you'd see it my way," Bruce said, and popped open the suitcase-sized medical kit that he'd lugged into the garage.

Confident that Bruce would take care of Phil, Tony turned his attention to Lola. "Hey, baby girl," he said gently. "Daddy's here." Tony knew that she couldn't hear him at the moment, but it didn't matter. He always spoke to his AI family as if they could.

Tony ran his hands tenderly over the bent frame. Then he popped the hood. Lola had taken significant damage in the collision, but far less than an ordinary car would have. Her opponent was almost certainly totaled. Stark armor was robust stuff, even under the stress of a high-speed impact. Tony could tell by the pattern of damage and the analysis JARVIS displayed that this had not been an accident.

"Looks like somebody rammed you on purpose," Tony said as he examined the engine for possible trouble. He got his hands greasy again, but he didn't care. "If you hadn't been driving Lola instead of a company car ..."

"Saved my life," Phil muttered.

"Yeah, she did," Tony agreed. He closed the hood. "That's my good girl."

"Had to climb out the passenger side though," Phil said.

Tony fingered the hinges. The frame was just a little warped there, heading into the long red nose of the car. The paint job was ravaged all down the driver's side. "Yeah, I can see why," Tony said. "Are the culprits in custody?"

"Yes," Phil said. "Romanova should be interrogating them by now."

Tony's lips skinned back from his teeth. "There's a happy thought." Behind him he could hear Bruce and JARVIS quietly conferring over Phil's condition. Tony looked at the wireless readings about the car's electronics. Then he pressed one palm to the car while tapping a wrench in various places so that he could gauge the integrity of the frame. It felt solid. The wreckage looked worse than it was.

"We stopped the AIM plot," Phil added.

"Go you," Tony said. He tucked the wrench into his belt. "I've got some good news. The door needs to come off, but most of the damage is localized there. I'll have to bend the frame back into shape, weld on new hinges, then hang a fresh door. After that, it's just a matter of replacing a few other components and then letting JARVIS touch up the paint job."

"I'll wait," Phil said.

Predictably, Bruce protested. "You need rest, Phil."

"I'm sitting down."

"That's not good enough."

"Guys, hey, let's not have a fight," Tony said, waving his greasy hands at them. "How about a compromise? Phil can watch me work, and then go to bed. It'll take all night to do the paint job, because layers, and it's not safe to have anyone down here while JARVIS runs the sprayers." Tony also knew from personal experience that after a few hours, the rest of the adrenaline from the fight would have worn off, the injuries would make themselves more apparent, and Phil would be too tired to put up much of an argument by then.

"I can live with it," Bruce said. He parked himself firmly next to Phil.

Phil gave a noncommittal grumble.

Tony counted that as good. Then he turned his attention back to Lola. JARVIS activated a clever array of mechanical arms, similar to the array used for assembling and disassembling the Iron Man suit. Together they started working on the car.

Removing the mangled door took only a few precise cuts with a laser torch and some tugging. Next Tony decided that he wanted to suit up, because that allowed him to fix the frame by hand instead of banging out the dents with a hammer, and he wanted the extra dexterity. Plus the HUD gave him a better view than his welding helmet for replacing the hinges. "JARVIS, why don't I have a HUD in my welding helmet? Make a note, I should invent that," Tony said.

"Done, sir. I imagine the United Steelworkers would appreciate such a device," JARVIS said.

"Yeah, they love me, I have all the cool toys," Tony said.

After that, he stepped out of the suit and returned to more conventional methods of mechanics. Tony and JARVIS detached various smaller parts damaged in the collision, replacing them with new ones. Tony always stocked everything he needed to repair the mechanical members of his family. Repairs went so much faster with JARVIS to assist.

At last Tony stood up and stretched, his back popping in protest. "Okay, it's time for the meat people to call it a night."


	2. I Just Hate the Thought of Leaving Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony coaxes Phil to bed.
> 
> In the morning, Lola is revived and reunited with Phil.

"Finally," Bruce grumbled. He climbed to his feet.

Phil just muttered at them.

Tony had been expecting that. "Come on, Phil. You're asleep on your -- well, not _feet,_ because you're parking your butt on my floor," Tony said. "Get up. Let's get you to bed."

"I miss Lola. Are you _sure_ we can't reboot her tonight?" Phil asked.

"We could, but it wouldn't be good for her or you," Tony said. He rested a hand on Phil's shoulder. "JARVIS and I made that mistake a few times with each other, reconnecting right after a combat-induced crash, before we learned not to. It'll be better in the morning when everyone's fresh. Trust us on this, okay?"

"I just hate the thought of leaving her," Phil said plaintively.

Tony's face softened. "Yeah, okay, I get that. Give me a minute." He slathered his hands with goop to remove the grease, rinsed carefully, then dried his hands. He got out a new shop rag and went back to the car.

Accessing the relevant area required a level of flexibility that Tony rarely displayed out of bed. He keyed in codes, removed panels, then keyed in more codes. Lola had heavy safeguards.

"Tony, I thought you said we were done here," Bruce whined.

"Do you want Phil to go to bed without dragging his feet?" Tony asked.

"That's a nice fantasy."

"Then stay out of my hair for a few more minutes," Tony said. He wormed a hand up under the dashboard, deep in the sheltered area between the dash equipment proper and the engine area under the hood. One more code to deactivate the contact protections, and Tony freed the black box from its socket.

It was no larger than a Rubik's cube, a sleek box of adamantium enameled in matte black. A single amber light gleamed on the face. Inside lay layers of dense memory storage and supercomputing hardware. Tony wrapped the cube in the shop cloth and carried it over to Phil.

"Here," Tony said, tucking the small bundle into the agent's hands. "No reason she can't sleep on your nightstand instead of in the car. We'll reboot in the morning when you'll be alert enough to assure her that you're okay without sounding like a painfully obvious liar."

"Thanks," Phil said softly. With his arms full of Lola, he could no longer muster an effective resistance. Bruce and Tony carefully hoisted him to his feet and headed out of the garage.

"Bruce, is Phil okay? I mean, all things considered?" Tony asked. "Because I've asked him and he just keeps saying --"

"I'm _fine,"_ Phil said. It was horribly unconvincing. Tony had sure made the right call about waiting until morning to reboot Lola. She was as protective of Phil as JARVIS was of Tony. If she came back online to find her paint job demolished and Phil looking like fresh roadkill, she would throw a _fit_. Armor notwithstanding, she was meant to be a courier, not a combatant.

"He's got a couple of cracked ribs, but nothing worse. Most of it's just surface bruising. The cuts aren't even from the accident; they're from a previous fight," Bruce said. "Phil's tough. He's survived a lot worse than a tumble in a super-armored car."

Loki's spear, and damn Fury for lying to them about that. Budapest, which they'd heard about from Romanova and Barton. Phil had more lives than a videogame hero.

"That's good to hear," Tony said. He and Bruce tucked Phil into the guest room reserved for him. Lola's box sat on the nightstand, a tiny spark of amber glowing in the shadows. At last Tony and Bruce slipped out the room, leaving Phil to sleep.

* * *

In the morning, Tony woke early. For a while he just lay in bed, remembering how this had all started.

_"You look upset," Phil said, sitting down beside Tony. "Upgrades on War Machine not going well?"_

_"Not very well, no," Tony said. "We wanted to try installing an artificial intelligence, not as sophisticated as JARVIS but more than DUM-E, someone to copilot with Rhodey. Someone who could grow with him, like JARVIS has with me, make War Machine a real partnership instead of just a crack pilot in a suit-shaped plane."_

_"Not a bad idea. What went wrong?" Phil said._

_"They hate each other," Tony said glumly. "Also, Lola says she doesn't want to be a pilot. Or a scientist or an executive, which I could have handled without too much difficulty. I could have found her a position elsewhere in Stark Industries, but close enough for me to keep an eye on. This is more challenging." He blew bubbles through a straw into his fancy Italian soda. "I mean, I don't want to be the control-freak parent who picks his kid's college and major, you know? But I feel kind of lost here. I don't want to hand her off to just anybody."_

_"Has Lola said what she does want to be?" Phil asked._

_"A chauffeur," Tony said. "I wonder if I should be suing Happy for paternity."_

_Phil gave him a small smile. "I can see how that would be disconcerting," he said. "Well, it's not like you never use one of those."_

_"I already have a chauffeur, though," Tony said. "I can't just fire Happy; he hasn't done anything to deserve that. Plus if I start 'driving myself' a whole lot more, people will notice and talk, and that's not the kind of scrutiny I want around Lola. She doesn't have the experience that JARVIS has in dealing with people, not yet anyway. It will take time for her to learn how to gauge people, make them think she's a person or a dumb program as she prefers, and defend herself if she has to."_

_"All right, so Lola needs a chaperone as well as a job," Phil said. "Maybe I can help. Send her to me. I'll take care of her for you."_

_"Really? I mean, it's nice of you to offer, but she's kind of conspicuous. She's already chosen a body," Tony said._

_"Show me."_

_Tony flicked his fingers across the screen of his Starkphone. He showed Phil the snapshot taken at the car show where they had found the body. The gorgeous red sportscar had a sign on her long nose that said, "Please don't touch me! I'm not that kind of car." Of course Tony had upgraded the car considerably since then, but she still had the same classy look._

_Phil couldn't help laughing. "Let me guess, the sign was part of the appeal?"_

_"We still have it," Tony said with a nod._

_"Just give us a chance. If we don't get along, you haven't lost anything but a little time. If it works out, your problem is solved, and I get to ride around in something that doesn't scream secret agent," Phil said._

_It worked out._

Tony wound up eating breakfast with Bruce and Phil. Bruce liked to cook, and could work wonders in the kitchen of his tower apartment. Phil ate blueberry pancakes with one arm curled around his plate and the other curled around Lola's box. The bruises had turned a rainbow of blues and purples overnight, but Phil looked much better in a clean suit and freshly combed, shower-damp hair.

After breakfast, they all trooped down to the garage. Tony folded himself back under the dashboard, black box in hand, and started entering passcodes.

"Now I know how Tony keeps up with all those playgirls," Bruce said to Phil. "I don't know why he won't do yoga with me -- he's more limber than I am."

"Because it's boring and I'm already as flexible as I need to be," Tony said, raising his voice to carry out of the car. His hands were deft and gentle as he worked. Lola had always been fussier than JARVIS when it came to peripherals. She disliked bilocating and had a strong preference for a single body. She would be happier reawakening with her body fully functional and Phil cleaned up. Tony was glad that he managed to talk Phil into waiting.

"Just so you know, I'm taking pictures of you in that position to show my yoga classmates. They will turn green with envy," Bruce said.

"Wouldn't be the first time. This body has been the envy of millions," Tony shot back. He made the last few connections. He could hear the faint, ultrasonic whine as Lola powered up and touched the wireless connection. Within a second, she would have all the data from last night and this morning.

"I'm telling Pepper you said that," Bruce said.

"Pepper doesn't have to envy; she can have this body any time she wants it," Tony said. Finally he climbed out of the car. He used a clean shop rag to buff his fingerprints off the new paint job, which gleamed a beautiful cherry red. "Okay, Phil. Lola is all yours again."

Phil settled himself carefully into the driver's seat. He took a deep breath and then said, "Lola, it's Phil. Talk to me."

"Good morning, Phil," Lola said in her rich voice. It held just a trace of Spanish accent, much as JARVIS leaned British. "I am fully repaired. Agent Romanova has filed her paperwork from the interrogations. Agent Barton regrets that the assault driver was subsequently shot while trying to escape. And you should be aware that I am reviewing Dr. Banner's medical report before you answer my question: How are you?"

"Better now," Phil said softly. He stroked the steering wheel, winced, and then folded his hands back in his lap. "Let's finish the rest of this conversation in private, shall we? I think we've bothered Tony and Bruce enough for now."

Lola rolled up her windows in silent agreement. The smart glass flicked on to hide Phil from view. JARVIS opened the outside door. Lola cruised gracefully out of the garage. She was beautiful and elegant and fierce, all of it devoted to Phil.

There was a private message on Tony's phone. _Thank you. -- L_

Tony sniffed, and blinked hard against the stinging in his eyes. "Fuck. Why doesn't this ever get any easier?"

"Because you never love her any less," Bruce said, tucking a tissue into Tony's hand.

"I am so proud of her, and so terrified," Tony said. He pressed the tissue over his streaming eyes.

"Of course you are," Bruce said. "She's your daughter."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Goop](http://goophandcleaner.com/) is a popular cleaner for removing grease.
> 
> [Adamantium](http://marvel.com/universe/Adamantium) is an extremely durable, extremely expensive alloy in the Marvelverse.
> 
> "Please don't touch me. I'm not that kind of car." appears as a sign and a [bumper sticker](http://www.zazzle.com/dont_touch_me_im_not_that_kind_of_car_sticker_bumper_sticker-128662624698545149) at car shows. There's a [truck version](http://liveimages.quicksales.com.au/quicksales/general/classified/gc5155293843638191182.jpg?width=830&aspect=fitwithin&padcolor=ffffff) too. "[Unless you are naked, don't lean on my car](http://www.freyinnovations.com/automotive/magnets/naked.jpeg)" also appears. Tony may be handsy and easy, but Lola seems to be much more reserved -- and she has the same problem most beautiful women do, in that men have a hard time keeping their hands off her. I suspect Phil's warning minizes the number of people she tazes.
> 
> See a recipe for [blueberry pancakes](http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/the-cookworks/blueberry-buttermilk-pancakes-recipe2/index.html).
> 
> [Bilocation](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bilocation) is the ability to be in two places at once, or in artificial intelligence, to inhabit more than one body. JARVIS does this all the time; he has access to all of Tony's homes, the Iron Man suits, the Starktech, etc. However, not every AI necessarily can -- or wants to -- spread out like that.
> 
> [Lola](http://www.babycenter.com/baby-names-lola-2872.htm) is a Spanish name meaning "strong woman." That gave me the idea for the trace accent. One of my fans asked about the acronym. Lola was originally intended for War Machine, so I'm thinking something like Living Organizational Lift Assistant.  (There are other interpretations for the name Lola;  made an [excellent summary of those](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9461833.html?thread=16184905#cmt16184905).)
> 
> "Shot while trying to escape" appears both in history and in entertainment. It doesn't have an official trope page, but there's an [excellent discussion here](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/discussion.php?id=2b73r2980wj1eoakhyioj72m). It can be played straight or used as an excuse. I figure Hawkeye wouldn't have shot a captive in cold blood, but would have gleefully used an escape attempt as a reason to fire. "I shot him in the leg but he wouldn't go down. Guess the motion must have opened the femoral artery. Sorry, sir." "No you're not." "No I'm not."
> 
> [Smart glass](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smart_glass) can be turned translucent or opaque with the flick of a switch. [One-way mirror glass](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-way_mirror) is also used for privacy in cars. I figure that Tony could make something stronger than glass and far more versatile in visibility. In the video clip of Lola, her windows are clear, but I couldn't imagine Phil riding around in a vehicle without tintable windows.

**Author's Note:**

> Watch the original "[Don't Touch Lola](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdfCL9ezQYc)" clip. I saw this and thought, Phil has a red sportscar that he personifies, where _else_ would he get her but from Tony Stark? Which means she actually is a person.
> 
> [AIM](http://marvel.com/universe/A.I.M.) is a mad science organization in the Marvelverse.
> 
> A [T-bone collision](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Side_collision) involves the head or tail of one vehicle striking the side of another.
> 
> In transportation, a [black box](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_box_\(transportation\)) is a highly-protected data recorder. The term has [many other applications](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_box); in artificial intelligence, it can refer to a section of rapidly-changing code, to an AI in general, or to housing for both.
> 
> [ETA](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Estimated_time_of_arrival) means Estimated Time of Arrival.
> 
> [HUD](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Head-up_display) is a heads-up display of transparent information, like what Tony uses in the Iron Man suit. The amount of light shielding required for safety in a welding helmet makes the view pretty bad. At Stark level of technology, it would make more sense just to opaque the helmet, substituting a camera view and HUD to create a much better view of the working field.
> 
> [United Steelworkers](http://www.usw.org/) is a union spanning all kinds of metal work and support jobs. Tony can afford to pay union wages and benefits, and they love the stuff he invents ... plus he's not afraid to get his hands dirty. Everybody wins.


End file.
